And the dogs aren’t too smart, either.”Ī man goes into a bar and says, “Give me a drink before the trouble starts.” And the bartender pours him a drink. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. I’ve had a rough day at work.” And the bartender says, “Oh? What do you do?” The guy says, “I take care of the corgis–you know, the dogs the royal family owns.” The bartender asks, “Tough job, huh? The guy says, “Yeah. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barman.Ī fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, “Give me a beer. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”Ī guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: “What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barman. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Give me a beer, and a mop.”Ī polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”Ī skeleton walks into a bar. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?” The guy says, “Honestly, no. That’s not my dog.”Ī guy walks into a bar. The man says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The woman replies, “He doesn’t. The man asks, “Does your dog bite?” The lady answers, “Never!” The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”Ī guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”Ī goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.Ī grasshopper hops into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.”Ī baby seal walks into a bar. You know, we don’t get many kangaroos coming in here.” The kangaroo says, “At $10 a beer, it’s not hard to understand.”Ī termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”Ī cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”Ī dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. The barman says, why the big pause?”Ī kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. Descartes says, “I think not,” and he disappears.Ī bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer and. The bartender asks him if he’d like another drink. Ren? Descartes is in a bar at closing time. He finishes them and the bartender says, “Don’t you want to know where the toilet is?” The pig says, “No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home.” You’re out of your head.”Ī little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. What does he look like?”Ī brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.” The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. The bartender asks, “So, why the long face?” A variant on this joke during the 2004 presidential campaign substituted John Kerry for the horse, but the punch line remains the same.Ī penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Has my father been in here?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. “Don’t you mean martini?” The man tells the bartender, “Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them.”Ī horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You can come in here, but you better not start anything!”Ī Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender asks him. The Texan replies, “About what?”Ī pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. Here’s a sampling of some of the variants that have sprung up, many now involving animals or inanimate objects:Ī guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”Īn amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”Ī young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. Nevertheless, an entire genre of jokes has been created revolving around that opening scenario. No one knows when the first joke beginning with the six words “A guy walks into a bar.
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